What Is She Thinking?

I've been excited & dreading this day for a long time now. My sweet baby will turn 5 tomorrow. Today all I can think about is her birth mom. Five years ago today was the last day that she would look down at her belly & wonder about the life that lived within her. I wonder how long her labor was. I wonder how she felt.

I hate that I missed those first few years. I am thankful that she was able to love her & hold her & take such good care of our daughter. I won't go into details here, but I am thankful that she didn't give her up as a newborn. What a blessing that has been to our daughter. I hope she is cherishing those moments.
Was life hard for her? Was she alone or did she have a loving & caring husband? Does she know Jesus? I pray for her salvation. I want to be able to show her the wonderful life that she helped create & all the lives that our daughter touched because of her.
Is she thinking about Ma Lijun today? Is she remembering her beautiful face? Is she thinking about her decision? Does she regret it? Would she change her decision if she could?
I pray that she has peace. I pray somehow that God will give her a peace within her soul that only He can give. Oh how I wish I could let her know that she is okay. She is loved beyond any love that I ever thought possible.
I wonder if she tries to watch the orphanage to see if her daughter is still there? I wonder if she has friends that have informed her secretly about what happened to Ma Lijun?

There are so many questions running through my mind today. I've cried & laughed alot and it's not even lunch time yet. Today I will focus on one of the most selfless women that I (don't) know. She is my hero. I am so thankful that she didn't abort her baby. I am so thankful that she made sure her daughter was safe when she abandoned her. It is obvious that her love was strong due to some circumstances that are Hannah Grace's story. I can't ever put into words how I feel. I could never do her justice, especially here on the computer. I just must keep this journal for HG. This is part of her story. I must try to remember it all for her because I know one day she's going to want to know how I felt during all this. And right now - I'm not sure I know.

Thank you precious mother in China somewhere. Your bundle is safe. She is growing into such a beautiful young lady: smart, happy, sassy, full of energy, curious, thoughtful, & caring. I could go on & on - but somehow I think you already know. Have a happy day tomorrow - she will too.