Legal Or Illegal U-Turn?

Maybe that title was a little drastic, but these are special days around here. We have finally discussed some possibilites with our parents (Andy's mom has been gone for the weekend) so I feel I can let you all in on our little secret. This week our agency that we are using for China had an agency only list come out. They actually are one of a handful of agencies that are participating in these "camps." Basically they send over some social workers who get to interview and see these children & help write up reports on them (that's the short version). Then they come home and they match the kids with families here. This time I think it was about 80 kids. Well, due to our list of SN & the fact that we are kind of on hold (not officially) due to our expected ET referral, we of course were not matched. Once they matched all that they could, they then send out the remaining ones for any family to consider. We got the email LATE Wed. night. Andy told me not to even look at it. Well, after about an hour I thought I'd just take a peak. I immediately found 3 kids that I wanted to know more about, but knew I was just supposed to pray for them. The next morning I check my email & it's from my SW wondering why she hadn't heard from me. WHAT??? Don't do this. Not now. It was driving me crazy. So, jokingly I emailed her & told her she needed to quit smoking whatever was in her pipe - we were headed to ET this summer - REMEMBER? So, longer story short - she said we could look.

Now, I still saw a couple of little girls that I know I could be the parent of, but God is taking us somewhere I never thought possible. Selfishly I have always looked at younger (under 2) children. For some reason I immediately saw this adorable little 4 year old. WHAT? Yes, a 4 YEAR OLD.!.! I watched her video & tried to get Andy's attention, but he was totally ignoring me. Then after we had permission to look he sat down & was immediately drawn to this same little girl. Long story short again.... We are "smitten" as I've been calling it. Our doctor has given us two thumbs up & we are dreaming of a big girl room with toys instead of formula & diapers.

I have had a plethera of emotions. I have cried thinking about all I have missed in her life. Selfishly I hate that she will walk to me instead of someone placing her in my arms. I am nervous about not getting to spend too much time before we will start school together. But, again I know God is going to take care of the details. There are so many positives: Noah is excited that he can teach his new sister how to play gameshows. We were worried about his transition, maybe this is God's way of softening him before E-baby gets here. We are totally pumped that we won't have to potty train this one, but are now focusing on attatchment issues & how we will bond with an older child. I am trying to figure out how to do a big girl room instead of a nursery & how to decorate with red (her favorite color) instead of pink which I had dreamed so much. I haven't slept in a few nights. Some nights I stay on the computer & research, other nights I just lay there dreaming scenes that I haven't imagined during this process.

We have until Friday to decide if we will request her - but I am 99.99% sure we will. We hope we will know by the following Monday if this cutie is a Morris. I know I will be heartbroken if she isn't matched with us. But, I do know that God is making all these choices very clear to us.

I have spoken with our placing agency for ET. We will have to have at least 6 months between the placement of the girls. We think we will have to go to the end of the line, which would be #23 right now - that hurts, but I know it will all work out okay.

If this goes through, we'll be able to say: 3 boys in 3 years and 2 girls in 2 years:

CRAZY!!!!!!

I have lots of emotions. Lots to think about. Will share more later. Just wanted to let you all know why I had the strange post earlier. Please pray. We just want to make sure we are in line with all that God has planned for us. And yes, it's feeling good.