How do you pour your heart out to share with the entire world wide web? How do you convey how you really feel without sounding bad in some context? How do I explain these feelings when I don't even understand them all myself?
God has blessed us with the ability to experience many different emotions and feelings. I feel somewhat overwhelmed because I am experiencing almost all of them. Here's just a start:
- honored - God trusts me enough with His precious children.
- blessed - All 3 of my boys are healthy
- excited - I will become the mother to a daughter this year
- scared - I WILL BECOME THE MOTHER TO A DAUGHTER THIS YEAR
- jealous - I have friends who have waited less than we have & they will see both their Chinese & Ethiopian children before I do
- peaceful - more children are being united with their forever families
- pumped - more people seem to be "getting it!"
- mad - I can't do anything to speed up this process
- discouraged - I hate having to wait for something that is so out of my control
- fearful - that God will see through me & make me wait longer because I am still learning the same lessons of patience that I was learning almost 4 years ago
- blown away - I stay speechless at all the "God Moments" and ah-ha moments that are associated with adoption
- humbled - understanding just a little bit of how God felt when He was waiting on me
- loved - I have never felt so loved before - by God, by my family, by my friends, & by people I have never even met
- stressed - so much to accomplish & so little time
- wonderful - I have such a peace for this road that He has led us down
- shameful - for doubting His perfect will
- amazed - that I can feel all this & MORE at the same time
- joyful - my heart!!!!
- nervous - what if my girls don't like me?
- unprepared - I haven't done enough & time is running out
- YIKES - time is running out
- YIPPEEEEE - time is running out
- tired - I feel like I am getting old
- unsure - will I have enough left in me for these two little ones?
- uneasy - of how the entire China program is progressing
- forcefully optimistic - God led us to China for a reason, I still feel Hannah Grace is there
- in awe - that through this incredible wait God led us to our sweet Ebaby in ET.
- shock - what all we've learned about ALL the orphans on our planet
- thankful - that we have learned about this crisis - that is where I want to put my time & efforts - helping those
- pumped - God is leading us to work with orphans by doing His ministry
- energized - when I start feeling overwhelmed, I can be still & remember why I am doing all this. As soon as I put my eyes on Him, it's all better
- focused - I don't feel like I am wandering any more
- grateful - that he allows me to be open & honest with myself and others
- confused - why am I posting this?
- realization - that I have to journal this so I can remember
- WOW - I am loved by the creator of this big ol' world
- happy - reading back over all my feelings & realize that I wouldn't want to be in any other state right now
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1 comments:
Oh that is an amazing way of putting it. I have all of those feelings most days. My baby girl is home now but that does not take away any of it. It only changes the reasons - but I felt anger and frustration and fear during my wait sometimes too. Which, of course, led to other feelings of guilt and shame. And overall what I felt and feel most is love. Love for my babies and love for my family and love for God and love from all of those in return. God Bless!!
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